For those that don't know, I am an Army spouse. I don't really like to use the term "Army Wife", because well, I feel like it gets a bad rap. Or people think I'm like one of those characters on the T.V. show 'Army Wives'. Which, to be clear, is really nothing like what Army "Wives" are like.
As most of my friends are Army spouses, they can probably relate to how a PCS (permanent change of station....i.e. moving AGAIN) feels. If they are like me, they take on the lead role of well, everything. Being in charge of everything and everyone is very stressful. And, if I'm being honest, can leave one feeling a bit unappreciated. Which is how I am feeling today. Now, this could really be the case, or I could be suffering from a mild (or severe if you ask my husband) form of PMS. Or it could be a little of both....I'm leaning toward this option. Regardless, I'm feeling stressed, tired, hormonal, and unappreciated. Which in the end, makes for a very grumpy Nicole.
What might this all have to do with weight loss? Let me tell you. I have eaten my share, my two daughters shares, and probably 1 or 2 more peoples shares of teeny, tiny, "snack" size candy bars in the last 2 days. This is not good, folks. Not good at all.
As I have vowed to be honest while writing this blog, I must confess......I'm an emotional eater. It's terrible. I feel sad, mad, happy, anxious, or stressed....and I eat. I eat bad food. Mostly chocolate and/or baked goods. The really bad part is, it doesn't make me feel any better afterwards. In fact, I feel like shit, if I'm being honest. I feel bad because I ate bad food. Then I feel bad for feeling bad. Then I feel bad because I've let myself down. It's a horrible vicious thing. I know it's wrong and that I shouldn't do it. But alas, I still do it.
So, back to appreciation, or the lack of it. This PCS has been a stressful one, and has left me feeling utterly unappreciated. Therefore, leading to me be my emotional eating self.
With this post, I want to try something a little different. I want to see what you, my readers think.
I want to know...am I the only emotional eater out there???
6 weeks ago, our belongings were being packed up, to be shipped from our home in Germany to our new home in El Paso, Texas. At this time, my best friend and worst enemy was packed away. The scale. For years, I've had a love hate relationship with said scale. Well, really any scale for that matter. I loved when it told me I was losing weight. I hated when it told me I had gained. In return, I hated myself.
The sad, ugly truth is, I put my whole selves worth in that number. For years, that number defined who I was. The fact that I was a mother, a wife, or a friend didn't matter. I let that number define me.
So, when my scale was packed in a box, and then a crate, and then sent on it's way across the pond, I no longer could rely on it to ruin my day. I had to find new ways to make myself miserable. Or in this case, happy, self confident, and sane!
You see, not having a scale to step on after every pee, poo, cough, look in the mirror, or random thought made things easier. Less stressful. I found myself more carefree. And you know what's even better? My pants started to get a wee bit looser. Or maybe it was the weight coming off my shoulders. Either way, I feel lighter and brighter.
So, back to the point of this whole blog. I've been reading a book called Mirror, Mirror Off the Wall. It's about a woman, a recovering anorexic and sociologist, who decided to not look at herself in any mirror for a year. In hopes of improving her self image. And it gave me this idea. Of not weighing myself or knowing my weight (if say, at the doctors office, for instance) for an entire year (or possibly my whole life). I will only measure myself based on how my clothes fit and how I feel. I figure, what the heck, I've already done 6 weeks, what's a few more, right?
So, this is the unofficial start of my journey. I hope you all follow along for support and can possibly find some sort of inspiration in the process.
In closing, I want to give a special shout out to my wonderful and supportive husband. My daughters. And to my good friend Sarah Brown for believing in me and being my inspiration.
