Confession..............

Hello, friends and readers. I'm sorry I've been MIA for a few weeks. It's been a little crazy around here. The girls went to a half day, week long summer camp AND our household goods shipment FINALLY arrived. Keep in mind, I'm doing this without the physical help of my husband. 

This post is going to be short and sweet, for a few reasons. One, I'm exhausted and really don't have much to talk about since my life has been consumed by mountains of boxes. And two, I'm embarrassed, but have to admit something to you all, in hopes of holding myself accountable. 

So, lets go back to my household items arriving. On the evening that they arrived, I was frantically opening boxes, searching for my youngest daughters teddy bear...that I never found. While opening said boxes, I came across my scale. I ignored it, because like I said, I was looking for something special. 

Fast forward to the next day. I was unpacking my daughters' closet, when unbeknownst to me, the scale was one of their boxes. I know I saw it the day before, but I didn't remember or chose to forget the placement of said scale. 

I take the scale out, and set it aside, and finish unpacking clothes, hanging them, etc. But after a disagreement over email with my husband, and me feeling overwhelmed, I walked over to the scale and..............I stepped on it. 

I.WEIGHED.MYSELF.

I stood there, staring at the number. It had gone down from the last time that I had stepped on a scale. Which is good, because it had been 71 days since doing so. But it wasn't a fantastic number, nor did it equal how great I was feeling about myself. I didn't freak out or anything. Nor did I weigh myself again.

Later that night, I made the confession to my husband, and I felt horribly guilty and disappointed in myself. It was then that I realized, I am an emotional cutter. Instead of cutting away at my physical body, I cut away at my self esteem and worth.

I'm Nicole, and I'm an emotional cutter, and it's been 2 days since I stepped on the scale. 

Here's to resisting the urge.........

How do you measure????

So, over this last week I've been counting my calories. Normally this could be a very dangerous thing for me, if I were also weighing myself. But, since I'm not, I figured, why not?

So I signed up for a little app where you put your daily food totals in, and then it tallies it all up for you. Easy enough, right? 

Well here's my pickle.....how do I know if counting calories is really working if I can't step on the scale? Should I do measurements? If so, how often? Or should I just go by how I feel and how my clothes feel? 

I'm a few days into this calorie counting, and I must confess, I'm starting to stress a bit! I mean, I'm eating healthy and within the range of calories I'm allowed. I'm not depriving myself of cravings, so that I can prevent binge eating. This is also helping with those twinges of emotional eating I've been getting (I miss my man, ya'll). So, why am I stressing?

Here's my question to my readers....the few I have.....how do you measure your weight loss? By scale? Tape measure? The way your pants feel? The way you feel? 

Thanks for reading, and here's to more soul searching!

Don't forget to leave me comments to my questions :)

Your mind is a funny thing

First off, I want to thank everyone who's been reading my blog and those who have decided to follow me. It means a lot to me! 

Secondly, I wanted to apologize for not updating for a few days. We were getting my husband ready for a TDY, plus our unaccompanied shipment AND car arrived! Great, but busy times! 

So....remember my previous post about emotional eating? If you took my quiz thank you! If not, you better participate next time ;). Anyway.....I found myself in another potential emotional eating trap. There I was, dropping my husband off....not for a deployment, thank goodness.....the kids are crying, I'm choking back tears, and of course every sappy, sad song comes on the radio. And um, on every.single.programmed.channel.....really people?!?!?! I felt the strong...and I mean STRONG....urge to stop at Krispy Kreme and get a few dozen donuts to 'make' myself feel better. BUT............I didn't!!!!!!!  

Now, I wish I had some sort of wonderous explanation for this mild breakthrough, but I don't. I just simply thought...."Is this going to make me feel better in the long run?". And my answer was a very loud "NO!". So I made the choice to take the girls to our local Super Wal-Mart, where we stocked up on healthy foods for our first prepared dinner in our new home. We also stocked up on healthy snacks. BUT, as I was browsing the aisles, my nose picked up on the unmistaken smell of McDonald's. Low and behold, this Super Wal-Mart, where I was confronting my issues, was tempting me yet again. Surprisingly, I walked away from the greasy, processed goodness. 

So, folks, that's TWICE today that I did not give in to my 'need' to emotional eat. 

Nicole-1 Emotional baggage-0

If you're reading, John, I love and miss you. And I know you're going to do great! xoxoxo